Bad Timing
Its funny how the first dream I had of her turned out bad in reality and the fact that she didnt even appear in the dream. In any case the dream wasnt a good one at all. I had almost been killed in my dream. And I realised that the dream was about her when I realised that she wasnt at my bedside when I was close to being fatally wounded in the dream.Call it a premonition but it plagued me after that at some point in the day after I woke up that she was going to tell me that shes having second thoughts about the relationship. And it did happen. Even so we did have the same conversation before, that at some point of time during this 11 weeks before she is back for good that she could not handle the wait and the fact that we are apart for 30,000 miles. She was reluctant to start the relationship knowing that this would happen but some how my persistance did get to her to at least give it a try.
We both agree that this is bad timing starting a relationship while the both of us are 30,000 miles apart. And I do agree with her that this is sort of a crucial portion in any relationship that we need each other to be physically present to build on the foundation.
But in any other situation if she says that she doesnt think that the relationship would work out, I would persist and disagree with her and tell her otherwise. I still think otherwise though but I wouldnt be telling her not to stop the feelings that we're having for each other. The reason for me doing what I'm doing now is that this is a crucial period for her and she's going to graduate soon. And by me persisting would only do more harm to her in the long run as she might not be able to concentrate on doing what she have on hand. And that is to finish up her semester and graduate.
She did say that by dropping this she might not be able to pick it up again when she gets back. I'll take my chances on that. If my persistence worked once, it might work again.
It wasnt easy to say yes to her over skype and agreeing that we would drop this for now. First thing I did after we ended out conversation was to ask Lisa out for supper. I need to binge. And I did. The thing is that I binge when I'm upset and everyone would hate me but I lose weight when I binge in situations like that. Plus I need a listening ear. Lisa says that we basically have our problems sorted for now, there really isnt any alternate solutions that she could offer after we had made our mutual decision.
I would be lying that the whole decision didnt upset me. Some how it feels like a proper break up even before we had our first date. Maybe the silver lining out of this whole decision is that when she comes back we would realise that we need each other. But then again things might happen differentlt in the span of 11 weeks. If only everything that had happened could have happen 11 weeks from now, then it could probably be smooth sailing for us. But for now its just bad timing.
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