she's too young
hats what everyone told me or at least thats what lene told me. age doesnt make any difference when you have feelings for someone thats what i think. they say that im stupid to reject someone when im having the longest dry spell they have ever known just to try for something which everyone know might not even happen.everyone did ask why but i dont think i've told anyone, maybe besides lene and lisa. its not because im smitten by her looks, thats just secondary but coming across someone with similar music tastes and interest and complimenting personality is hard to come by. to me thats important. boobs and looks will sag when age and gravity takes it toll and thats a definate just like death and taxes. but the ability to have a decent and interesting conversation and share similar love and interests when everything else has gone to shit in 30 years is the only thing that is important.
everyone says that i have high standards. maybe i do. but that being i dont want to be in something that we would run out of conversation pieces every other day. even though its nonsensical banter it would seem interesting.
and thats what i like about her. even though we're miles apart but talking to her over msn feels nice. even if its about nothing. of all things that are important are the things that are important are my friends and the person that i have feelings for. but i said something to her last night that made me feel like shit the moment i walked out of my room.
'NO!' she said when i told her im heading out for hockey. even though i know that she was just joking. i told her that her saying no doesnt carry any weight. but only the fact that it does, plus the more i talk to her the harder it would be for me to tear myself away from talking to her to leave the house. it would end up like a conversation that goes 'bye, im really leaving' for like 1 hour then end up with 'shit, hockey is over. now im really stuck with u'
saying that their words doesnt carry any weight to any friend is horrible. its even more terrible when shes a friend and someone that i like. now i feel like how it is when im coming down. it feels like shit and thats the probably the nicer way to describe it. everything feels like its just crashing down inside. for im not a fan of regret so im really lost on how im going to say sorry for the things i've said. and this is probably the worst thing i've said out of all the horrible things that came out of my mouth.
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