Hello!!! Meet Paranoia Again
If I am a robot, I would have been a Paranoid Android. Everything that she does I would mentally freak out. Even for a little. The fear of losing her is too great. If put into an analogy, its like having a beautiful butterfly in my hand. But once the thought of her flying away kicks in, natural reflexes would trigger and i would clench my fist even tighter and in the end killing the beautiful butterfly in the process.
Its things that I know yet I still do it unknowingly due to my in-built natural reflexes. It probably is who I am. A natural Paranoid Android. Its just plain stupidity if you ask me when I'm sane without the natural reflexes kicking in. Knowing that when you kill the butterfly its as good as losing it forever while trying to keep her. Its a lose-lose situation. Being not paranoid about things might be good since the butterfly would have the freedom to do whatever she wants and still have the freedom to come back to the comfort and shelter that the hand provides. And the hand would get to keep the nice butterfly.
If only there's a way of switching off the paranoid function in the Paranoid Android.
It's Not The Same
It's not the same when you walk past Subway and find that you lost your appetite 'cos its not the same as sharing it with someone you love in the cold.
It's not the same when you walk past local yummy paos and find that they aren't that yummy anymore 'cos you dont have someone to share them with to keep your hands and mouth warm and to blow smoke rings with.
I guess its easier for loneliness to creep in when you're missing someone badly.
Maybe I should hop on the next plane back to Melbourne when I get my next pay cheque.
Happy Towel Day
alt="Towel Day :: A tribute to Douglas Adams (1952-2001)"
width="468" height="60" border="1" />Happy Towel Day!!! The banner size didn't turn out right but I couldn't give a fuck 'cos I'm off to hitch a ride with my trusty towel.
The Countdown
The countdown has sort of begun. Its almost 6 weeks before she gets back and I can't wait for that to happen. The alternative is for me to fly up there to spend her last week there with her just before she flies back.
The thought of me flying there is really tempting. A new city. Being able to visit other friends as well. The bed that she makes it sound so nice to sleep in. The lack of parental units. Then of course there's her and the ability to be with her in a foreign land alone. But we sort of agreed that I shouldnt be extravagant just to fly there to spend time with her since she's going to be back soon as well.
Maybe its 'cause that I'm older and I had come to terms with many things over the past couple of years. Somehow on hindsight one of the last things that Isabelle told me did subuconciously get stuck in my mind. I was always in my own bubble of a world and I never seemed to care enough about anything besides myself. Maybe it was those words that changed me. Maybe it was those words that made me single for so long searching for the one person that would make me get out of my own bubble and care enough about.
To me I have finally found the person that make me leave my own bubble world and care more than enough of. And to me that person is godsend in so many ways. 6 weeks before I get to see her. It doesn't seem that long. Even thought everything is smooth sailing for but there's still this fear in me that I might screw things up if I revert back into my bubble world and not see the obsticles that might be ahead of us.
6 weeks might be short but it's gonna be one hell of a 6 weeks 'cause I have caught the impatient bug from her.
Dreams
I haven't dreamt of anything in a long while. Maybe years. I can't remember how long it has been since I last dreamt of something. I like dreaming while I sleep. Even though they might be bizzare or really out of this world.
I can only credit one person for making me having dreams again. And that's her. The girl that I'm dating. Maybe its a conincidental thing or maybe its not. Since I've only started dreaming again everytime I fell asleep. Don't get me wrong though, I love dreaming. Its a good thing that I'm dreaming again.
